change

One blog I read has the inscription on it: In the process of re-inventing myself. (Or maybe I'm paraphrasing.) And, you know, so am I.

For the past year or so I've been feeling....restless. Not really knowing what was going on with me, whether this was just something I ate or what. My kids are getting older--at ages 11 and 14, they certainly don't need me constantly like they did when they were 1 and 4. And then there's my age too--I am 39 1/2, and it was pointed out to me by a nun whose spiritual counsel I value highly that many women have an awakening at around 40 years old. That is exactly what I feel I am having. I am wanting to re-find myself, re-make myself maybe.

Part of this has been reading the book Dance of the Dissident Daughter, by Sue Monk Kidd (author of the book The Secret Life of Bees). I began reading this book about five years ago, and it was very poignant to me then, but seemed so very dense which is why I put it down halfway through. It was suggested to me by a friend that I take it up again....and so I took it along on vacation. I did not put it down this time, rather I finished it and then passed it on to Paul who also read it cover to cover. If found it very meaningful to my life just now, in a very woman-empowering way. The book examines the spiritual lives of women (from a Christian perspective....I am not sure that women of other faiths would not take anything from the book, but I think it is particularly meaningful for those of us who have questions about our own Christian tradition and are trying to "make it fit" in our lives.

So, all this has made me think about what is coming down the pike for me in the future, what will be the next phase in my life....and thinking over all my options. I'm thinking about going back to school, specifically, and doing either something that I've talked about doing for many years or something new and different that I haven't always dreamed of. I still need to do some more thinking and reflection and figure out what's going on in me.

Another book I've read and enjoyed and laughed and cried with was Eat, Pray, Love. Some of the ways in which the author experienced self-discovery I am also experiencing.

It's been somewhat of a difficult birthing process, but I think what comes of it will be worth it. I'll be writing more about this in the future--and include more specifics as they become plain to me.