Clergy divorces are big news. I'm told that my blog is the talk of our Metropolis (like a diocese) and perhaps even of the archdiocese. I didn't make this announcement in order to gain popularity, but you are all welcome to check in here! Seems like clergy divorces are usually messy and one partner was very hurtful to the other and it causes a huge scandal and he who was set high on a pedestal is now brought down low into the mud.
First off, I want to say that I am doing very well. We are a week into the "rearrangement" and it's gone fine so far. I am happy. Yes, I am HAPPY! It's been a little disconcerting to me how many people expect me to be sad, upset, angry, even distraught. Yes, there are moments of sadness and anger. But mostly I am happy.
I wonder: is it a *bad* thing for people to remain friends when they divorce? It seems that some are upset that I am happy and that Paul is happy. We can't just look at this for what it is, decide that we have grown apart, and decide to move on? Would it be better if we were at odds, always fighting, and became enemies? I get the feeling sometimes that some are looking for someone to blame. One of us must be to blame, right? Well, no. We both share "blame" if blame must be assigned. But mostly, no, we don't assign blame and are content to leave it at "we grew apart." We just aren't the same people anymore and we don't fit in a marriage anymore. But hey, we still make great friends!
I just really, really think this way is so much better for all involved than if we were fighting and hating each other and making life miserable for all those around us. We still function very well as co-parents and I think the kids do appreciate that. I would be eaten up by guilt if I felt like we were ruining our kids' lives by being enemies.
In all honesty, we did have months of fighting. We had a very difficult year. We did our misery, and the kids did get dragged into it. But now, we are no longer in that space and I am so very glad.
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In other news, my student doula practice is finally starting to pick up. I have a doula partner and we are attending one birth, a woman who is due this Sunday, and we're talking to another tomorrow about her birth. I'm so excited to be back into the birth scene! It's one of those things that has been suppressed in me for so long. I was very interested in birth after Carissa was born and the power of birth just washed over me. Even more so when Zac was born at home--then I saw homebirth as even more empowering to women. And I wanted to enter that world, to help other women to have an empowering birth, but I had two small children, so that dream was put on hold. I am so glad it's no longer being put on hold! On the flip side, I'll need to get used to long wakeful nights.
