About Me

My photo
Portland, OR, United States
I am finishing up my midwifery apprenticeship and plan to be a real midwife early in 2014!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Endings and Beginnings

I think it's time that I shared here something deeply personal that's going on in my life. Many of you who are local have probably already heard the news: Paul and I are getting divorced. And you know what? It's not the end of the world. I have always regarded divorce as pretty bad news, but I am seeing our divorce as part of each of our personal growth and commitment to living authentically. We are not the same people we were when we were 20 and 21--well, we are the same people, but those two people have grown and changed and grown and changed some more. I always said that it's amazing that we've always grown *together* when we've grown and changed....and that was true, until it just was not true anymore.

We still love each other and plan to remain very close friends. We will be co-parenting our children. We will still be sharing life to some extent. Paul calls our new relationship "rearranging". And it's true: we are rearranging our lives, but we will still be close.

The kids are doing all right. They took it hard at the beginning but are doing all right now. I move out on Friday and I expect it will be hard on all of us for awhile.

Paul plans to continue to be the priest at Holy Trinity. But I will no longer be presvytera (title for a priest's wife). I am planning on taking a break from parish life for a time, as I don't think anyone there needs me in their face right now. But I do hope to go back at some point. I think we all can learn from each other and help each other along the path.

I will be sharing bits and pieces when I'm ready of what this journey is for me. I hope you will travel this path with me.


Susan said...

thank you for sharing...I know it must be difficult..

DebD said...

Thank you for trusting us. It must be incredibly hard. Hugs and prayers for all of you.

Magpie Ima said...

You know I wish you, Paul, and the kids only the best.

Ρωμανός ~ Romanós said...

What is authentic about living a life in which we do not set our hearts on God's Kingdom first, and on His righteousness?

What makes personal growth more important than serving one another in love and putting the other's needs before our own?

“Let us commit ourselves and one another and all our life unto Christ our God,” who is the same yesterday, today and forever.

Nowhere in this post did I find reference to the Lord, not even once, only to yourself and yourselves.

Is this life of ours a game that we play, whose rules we can change whenever it suits us? Are we pieces merely, and whose?

My heart goes out to you, just for a moment, because you have set your heart on what is below, not on what is above.

My heart too is broken with the grief of my own unresolvable marital issues, and I know the sting of defeat.

Things are never the same at the end as they are at the beginning, but it is always within our power to obey the commandments.

Crucifixion and death come to all, whether we embrace them or flee them. It seems better to die to self, and live to God.

No pious words merely, nor contempt, nor encouragement to wrong, no feigned sympathy, but only brokenheartedness, my message to you, sister.

monica said...

im so sorry, elizabeth. im praying for each of you, especially the kids.
Romanos, brother, please use more tact and sensitivity next time.

Jacob said...

Hi! I was sad to hear about the news but after reading your post I do believe I have come to understand where you have both arrived at.

The thing about the title - titles are somewhat trivial... for awhile I thought waiting for a title was a great idea - that action was bound to having an office or a position, or clout, or whatever.

The truth is that our impact on the world has nothing to do with recognition while we are actually doing it. Most of the time leaders are only discovered after they have gone somewhere.

It's funny - people get ordained and everyone around them says, 'THAT! That's the starting point of where miracles happen, or where great things occur.'

But really, people are already doing so much. Sometimes our titles and roles eventually catch up to who we are - we get discovered by the population and what not. We become 'accepted' and 'acknowledged' or whatever. Or not! I haven't decided which is better.

From your posts, it sounds like your calling is catching up to you. Being a midwife is rewarding and intense - marvelous! To be a part of such a miracle...

Sometimes we all need a little more space than a household will allow - I am really glad that you are both committed to the co-parenting, and I think change will bring a lot of missed opportunities to the foreground.

I know of many divorces where the two parents are so self-absorbed that they forget their children exist (outside of being possessions to haggle over in terms of costs, etc.)

Divorce is sad, but brooding hate is far far worse. Best thoughts to your family.

ElizO said...

All my best to all four of you--tough times ahead, no doubt, and I hope you all find the support and love you need.

Jennifershmoo said...

Oh, Elizabeth, I'm so sorry. You know how close I was to this only a short year ago, so believe me I understand. It must be so hard, for all of you. My heart goes out to you.

Pres. Kathy said...

May God give you the strength to get through this hard time in your life.

Kai Jones said...

Having been through a divorce I have some idea how hard it must have been to come to that decision. I wish you all the best. May G-d give you peace.